These Phrases given by My Dad Which Rescued Me when I became a First-Time Father

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the reality quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good place. You require support. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger inability to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a show of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to request a respite - taking a few days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to things that don't help," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the best way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."